


i want a crazy, classic, life

by castielhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, House in Manchester AU, M/M, No Smut, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 13:59:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14594547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielhowell/pseuds/castielhowell
Summary: Phil Lester is kind of a loser, he still lives at his parents' house and doesn't have a job even though he's 24.Dan Howell rents a room in the family house.Phil thinks Dan is perfect.Dan is absolutely fascinated by Phil.And nothing's in their way.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't proofread by anyone else than myself and I definitely don't have enough sleep in my system, so don't hesitate if you notice any mistakes :)  
> Hope you enjoy this!

Phil Lester woke up as enthusiastically as every morning, which is not. He had nothing to do with his day, and had merely set up an alarm so that his mum wouldn’t give him that look. That look he couldn’t help but interpret as disappointed and increasingly annoyed. He was sure that, behind all her smiles, his mum was growing tired of seeing her twenty-four-year-old son idling around the house. He had got out of university two years ago and still hadn’t tried to find a job. Not that he didn’t want one, but no existing jobs around him were the kind he was interested in, or at least that what he told himself and everyone to divert the attention from the fact that he was actually terrified to try and get a life of his own.

“Mum! I’m up, put the kettle on!” he shouted from under his pillow, praying that his mum would hear him. He was trying to drink less coffee, so tea would have to do, until he eventually gave up.

He reluctantly pushed the covers to the end of the bed and sat up, rubbing his eyes with a yawn, before grabbing his dressing gown, a wary gray old thing, and putting it on. It was hot outside, but not enough to give up the comfort that an extra layer of clothing brought him.

He made his way through the piles of clothes on his bedroom floor, promising to himself he would tidy it all up soon. He crossed the hallway with heavy feet and pushed the glass door that led to the kitchen – well, more like hit it open with his nose. He groaned but didn’t even think about it; it happened almost every day.

His face immediately lit up when he saw his mum tossing a fruit salad at the counter, shaking her head with a smirk that Phil had no doubt was directed at him.

“Hello, child.”

“Hi mum.” he replied softly, as he went around the counter to plant a kiss in her hair. No matter how much they argued, they loved each other to the moon and back and he was always happy to see her in the morning.

“You’re up early.” she stated, not looking up from the apple she was peeling.

“Yeah, I am. Wanted to do some stuff today.” That was a lie, even though he could probably find loads of things that needed to be done. “Can I get a bowl of that once you’re done? I’ve run out of cereal.”

“Of course you have.” Kath chuckled. “And yes, of course you can get a bowl, silly, who do you think I’m making it for?”

Silence settled between them, and Phil just quietly watched her. He loved detailing people’s faces, and he knew his mother’s by heart, so it was always fun to imagine that an alien tried to replicate her but would forget one tiny freckle, and that’s what would give it away. Well, mum-duplicate or not, it was fun to imagine an alien invasion. Wouldn’t it change him from this ordinary, boring life.

He watched her cut the last slice of watermelon in little bits, then toss one last time. He proceeded to take a bowl in the cupboard, almost knocking the rest of them on the floor, but slamming the door at the last moment. Kathryn jumped a little but didn’t say anything, as it was a very common thing in this house to hear random loud noises due to Phil’s clumsiness. She took the bowl out of his hands and filled it to the top, setting in down on the counter, where Phil sat back down.

“There you go, don’t eat too fast. By the way, I served you a mug of redbush tea.” She grabbed said mug and set it down in front of Phil as well.

“Thank you, mum. You’re the best.”

He engulfed a huge spoonful of fruits in his mouth, groaning appreciatively at the sugary taste. His mum grabbed a stool and sat down beside him, laying a file in front of her. When she started going through the sheets in it, all Phil’s blurry vision could make out was lines of text accompanied by pictures of faces.

“What are those?” he asked, mouth half-full, which earned him a raised eyebrow. His mother still hadn’t given up on teaching him some manners.

“You know how I told you we were putting Martyn’s room to rent?” Phil nodded, suddenly interested. He was pretty excited about this, because, even though he’d have the fact he still lived with his parents on display for a person his age to poke fun at, he’d have a flatmate, which was cool. “They’re the application forms. Do you want to help me pick one?”

“Yes, let me just get my glasses!”

Phil jogged to his room and half-tripped on a pair of jeans, grabbed his glasses on his bedside table, then walked back to the kitchen and sat back on his stool. His mother was absorbed in a sheet sporting a photo of a beautiful girl with butterscotch hair, clear eyes and an honest smile. He immediately decided he liked her.

“Is that one good? What’s her name?”

She looked really nice, but then again, Phil was the kind to think everyone was nice, and it got him in difficult situations more often than not, so he’d rely on his mother’s judgment.

“She’s called Hazel Hayes. She’s Irish. She seems nice enough, but she hasn’t specified any job, and it scares me a little.”

Phil nodded, observing Hazel as if he could find out her job by just looking at her. He really couldn’t. Maybe she was a criminal, or a pornstar, and that was why she was so mysterious about it. Or maybe she didn’t have a job, and she was ashamed. Which would be stupid, really, because you find a place to live before you find a job, right? Not that Phil would know. He let out a little sigh, as he took some random sheets from his mum’s hands.

The first he saw was a girl called Catherine Valdes. She had long gray hair and a little smirk stretched her red lips. Phil skipped her sheet, deciding he would go back to her later. Maybe. Probably not. She looked kind of mean, and he couldn’t be bothered to read her bio. Plus, he was hoping that his mum would settle on a young man, so that he could be friends with him. Not that he couldn’t be friends with girls, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to live with one.

The next sheet had a picture of a cute guy who was probably a little younger than Phil. His name was apparently Dan Howell, and that made Phil smile because people were supposed to use their full name, and no one was called Dan at birth, right? He was 20, from southern England, and was a freelancer. Now that could be really awesome or mean he was a slob, just like Phil, but smarter because he didn’t admit he was jobless.

For some reason, Phil’s attention was caught. He observed the photo, noticing with a smile that he sported an emo fringe, really similar to Phil’s. It suited him much better, though. It looked neater, softer. He had chocolaty brown eyes and didn’t smile at all, his eyes looking straight into the camera. He was definitely cute. The thing that won Phil over, in the end, was his short bio.

_I’m tidy and quiet, I don’t talk that much and I think I’m overall a good addition to a household. My hobbies include browsing the internet, playing video games and cooking. I’m quite a great cook, actually. I make a mean pie. And crispy cakes. With melted marshmallows in them. Also, I don’t have friends and I don’t go to parties._

Phil actually snorted, earning a glare from his mother. He muttered an apology, his lips smiling against his will. This guy obviously didn’t care a bit about keeping up appearances, he just wanted the people he was potentially going to live with to know what he was like, and that’s something Phil liked a lot.

“Mum, I found a good one, I think. Look, Dan Howell.”

He handed the sheet over to her and looked at her as she read. Her brows started to furrow and then she gave that low chuckle that Phil loved.

“Well, isn’t he a funny young man.” she smiled. She seemed to be lost in thought for a while before putting the sheet to the side. “You know, that might be the best one yet. He has personality, I like that. We’ll come back to him later.”

Phil nodded and started going through the other sheets, but none of them seemed good compared to Dan’s. Like his mother had pointed out, Dan had personality. All the others just wanted to make a good impression, it seemed. After a few minutes of reading bland bios, he reached out and picked Dan’s sheet back up. He just wanted to read it again.

_I’m tidy and quiet, I don’t talk that much, and I think I’m overall a good addition to a household._

Well, that was completely the opposite of everything Phil was.

_My hobbies include_ _browsing the internet, playing video games and cooking._

That, Phil could relate to. He was a huge nerd and he actually enjoyed cooking, even though he was quite bad. Every time he tried to do something without following a recipe, he ended up burning it, or it tasted horrible. But if he followed a recipe, it went mostly okay.

_I’m quite a great cook, actually. I make a mean pie. And crispy cakes. With melted marshmallows in them._

Maybe that was the thing that made Phil decide he liked Dan. Maybe. But nobody needed to know that.

_Also, I don’t have friends and I don’t go to parties._

Another thing Phil could relate to. Except it usually made him super self-conscious, and this Dan guy seemed to be comfortable enough with it that he could just say it simply.

Phil hadn’t got excited about anything in a long time, and he was surprised at how much he wanted his mother to pick Dan. He didn’t even know the guy, but there was just something in his eyes, in his words, that made him eager to meet him. He made steady eye contact with the little picture and felt his lips curl up in a smile again.

“Oh dear, someone has a crush already!” Kathryn interrupted, taking the sheet from his hands. “Fine, I’ll call him! Best option we have, anyway. He can come for a week, and if it goes well, he’ll move in.”

Phil looked at her, surprised. He was pleased, but still. His mother usually took days to make that kind of decision, even when the choice was obvious. Why would she choose someone just based on the fact that Phil liked him? That just made no sense.

“Are you sure?” he asked carefully.

His mum nodded and put all the other sheets back in the file. Apparently, she wasn’t going to explain anything. Or maybe there was nothing to explain, and she just liked Dan, just like Phil did.

“I have to go into town now, so get busy, young man.” Kath smiled, bringing Phil’s head down to press a kiss to his temple.

“Yeah, I will. Have fun, I guess?”

His mum just chuckled and grabbed her purse before heading down the corridor, and Phil heard the front door click back into place. He was alone, now. His father was away for a few days, his brother had moved to his own place long ago and they hadn’t owned a pet for years. So it was just Phil, his loneliness and his messy bedroom.

That was going to have to wait, though, because it was nine in the morning and he wasn’t ready to start tidying just now, so he just got back into bed and opened his phone to check his notifications. He didn’t have many, just some likes on his latest tweets, so he just opened Tumblr and started scrolling through Buffy gifs.

His phoned suddenly buzzed and Phil dropped it on his face, letting out a muffled groan. He picked it up again and glanced at the clock, letting out a shocked “Crap!”. He had literally been on his phone for two hours straight, laying in bed. He opened the notification, it was a text from his mum. _Can you call Dan? I’m going to be busy. Won’t be home for lunch. Love, Mum._ Phil’s heart started racing. Was he supposed to actually call someone? The mere thought was enough to make him dizzy. He hated phone calls. He hated them more than anything. They terrified him. He sat up in his bed and the movement almost made him want to puke. He just wanted to disappear on the spot.

His phone buzzed again. _I know you don’t like calling people, but this is important. Please, sweetie._ Phil almost wanted to cry. This wasn’t fair. Why did he have to do it? His mum could call him when she got back, or tomorrow, right? Probably not, though, if she asked him to do it.

He stood up on shaky legs and went back to the kitchen. Right. He was an adult. He could do this. He took a last look at Dan’s form, trying to memorize any useful details, then dialed his number and pressed the call button before he had a chance to overthink anything.

He heard the first beep and he felt like his heart was actually going to jump out of his chest. With the second, he felt an overwhelming urge to hang up. And before the third beep could be heard, someone picked up.

“Hello?”


	2. 2

“Hello?”

Phil swallowed, trying to calm his nerves but royally failing.

“Hi. Is this Dan Howell?”

“Yeah. “Who _you_ are is the real question.”

“Oh, sorry. I’m calling about the room you wanted to rent. You, uh, filled an application form.” Phil stuttered, praying that his nervousness wasn’t too obvious.

“Yeah, I did. You don’t exactly sound like a Kathryn Lester?” Dan’s tone was light and teasing, but Phil was actually mortified. This was already going so wrong.

“No, I’m not Kathryn Lester. She’s my mum. I mean, my mother. I’m her son.”

“Hi, her son.” Phil could hear that the other boy was trying very hard not to laugh. “Do you have a name?”

“Yes. I’m Phil.” Phil decided to go on with the conversation, because he felt like Dan would never let him hear the end of this. “My mum… Kathryn picked you for the room, so she asked me to let you know. You can come for a week, to see if it’s okay for everyone, and if that week goes well, you can move in.”

Phil was now kind of breathless. At least he had got his sentence out without stuttering and had delivered all the information Dan needed to know. He just wanted to hand up already, and bury himself under his blankets. He didn’t deserve to be made fun of just because he was nervous on the phone. Dan was apparently not just funny and pretty, he was also rude.

“Hey, breathe when you talk, man.” Dan said in his jokey tone. “But that’s awesome, really, like, thank you so much. When do you expect me to come?”

Phil froze. He didn’t know that. His mother hadn’t told him, and he couldn’t exactly ask her now. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t want to piss off his mom, but he didn’t want to annoy Dan with a wrong date either.

“Uh, whenever would be good for you, I guess.” he replied, not exactly sure of himself, but deciding it was the best option. “When would you be able to come?”

There was a silence at the other end of the line. Phil waited, wondering what Dan was doing. Maybe he was checking his calendar, or thinking.

“I was wondering...” Dan’s voice was now a lot more quiet, almost shy, or ashamed. “Could I maybe, if it’s okay with y’all, come tomorrow? I totally understand if it’s not possible, I know I’m asking a lot, I probably shouldn’t have asked, of course it’s too early-”

Dan was full-on panicking by now, and, for some reason, Phil didn’t like it one bit. He didn’t want Dan to panic, or to think that he had done something wrong. He obviously had a reason to want to come so early, and if he asked even though he felt ashamed, it probably meant it was an important reason, and Phil didn’t really know why but he wanted to help Dan, so he said the first thing that crossed his mind.

“Tomorrow’s perfect!”

Now that he thought about it, maybe it wasn’t perfect. The house was super messy, Martyn’s room was nowhere near ready and the fridge couldn’t provide food for another person. Phil opened his mouth, ready to correct himself and give Dan another date, but he heard the tiniest sigh of relief on the other side of the line and he shut his mouth. He could already tell he was going to regret acting on impulse, but he wanted to help Dan.

Maybe it was the fact that Phil himself had a shitty life where all he wanted to do was leave his parents’ house, or maybe it was the shift in Dan’s tone, from joking to pleading, but Phil decided that he didn’t care if he got in trouble. Dan had applied, had been picked, and now he deserved to get his room.

“Cool, then. You know the address, do you know how to come?” Phil asked, cringing at the involuntary innuendo, that Dan had noticed, if his little snort was anything to go by.

“Yeah, sure.” Dan stayed silent, and Phil guessed he was just as lost as to what to say next as Phil was. “Uh, is there anything else I need to know?”

Maybe there was. Maybe there were loads of things that Phil was supposed to tell Dan, but he wouldn’t know, would he? His mother had just asked him to call the guy, without any further instructions. He thought about it for a while, and couldn’t find anything, but he knew something would probably come back to him two seconds after hanging up.

“I don’t think so.” he said, very hesitantly. Suddenly, inspiration hit him. “Can I text you if something comes back to me? It tends to happen, so…”

“Absolutely. Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess, then.”

“Yes.” Phil was nervous again. He hated ending phone calls. “See you tomorrow.”

Dan chuckled again, and Phil was surprised to see that he was already growing familiar with that low, warm sound. He could get used to it. He could get used to Dan’s voice. It was very soft and comforting, but so _lively_ at the same time. Come to think of it, he could probably get used to Dan in general. He seemed like a really nice guy, someone you would never get bored of.

Phil kept his phone against his ear for a long time before realizing that Dan had hung up. For once, Phil didn’t want to crawl under a blanket to hide, thinking that he had probably made a fool of himself, like he did after pretty much every phone call he ever made. Sure, he had been very nervous, stuttering and hesitating before saying anything, but Dan had not made him feel it, and had been pretty nervous at the end as well. All in all, it had gone well.

Now, Phil had a problem. His mother was gone, he didn’t know for how long, and the house desperately needed cleaning. The coffee table in the lounge had coffee stains all over it, and overflowed with papers and magazines. The kitchen was neat, but the dishes really needed to be done, and the cupboards definitely needed to be reorganized a little. The bathroom was a mess, Phil and both his parents having left products all around the sink and the bathtub. All the windows and mirrors of the house hadn’t been cleaned in months.

And, of course, there were the bedrooms. Phil’s was, well, a battlefield, and Martyn’s had become the storage room, which meant several trips to the basement would be required. Phil had a lot of work ahead of him. It’d probably take him all afternoon and a big part of the night. Hopefully, his mom would help once she got home.

He considered ordering pizza for lunch, then decided against it. It would only distract him. He decided to get dressed before getting to it. Sure, he could clean the house in his pajamas, but he felt like he’d stay sleepy and lazy if he didn’t put jeans on. He went back to his bedroom, sighing heavily at the sight before him. Cleaning his room alone would take him _hours_! He couldn’t do it.

“Yes you can, you moron.” he muttered to himself. He was a huge procrastinator, and it always started the same way. Him thinking he couldn’t possibly succeed to do whatever it was he wanted to do.

He grabbed black skinny jeans off the floor and his black polo shirt, the one with white buttons and a white outline around the buttons and the collar. He loved that shirt. It wasn’t because he was tidying a ridiculously messy house that he couldn’t look nice and feel comfortable. And if his clothes were dirty, well, no one was here to notice, and he was likely to get dirty and sweaty in the process anyway.

He decided to get everything out of Martyn’s room first, so that he was a hundred percent sure that would have a room to settle, just in case Phil was unable to take care of the whole house.

Emptying the room took a whole hour and six trips to the basement, but Phil was actually grinning at the sight of a welcoming bedroom for his soon-to-be housemate to sleep in. Well, welcoming. Still a bit dusty, that was. And the bed needed to be made, and the closet hadn’t had a breath of fresh air in ages. But that was not much, really, compared to the intense workout Phil had just been through.

He decided to leave this room for now, and went to the lounge to tidy it. It didn’t take that long, actually, because half an hour later, it looked very neat, like out of an IKEA magazine. He went to the kitchen, did the dishes with his favorite Muse album playing in the background, and sorted out the mess that were the cupboards. He decided that at least that was a good thing, as he’d found a spatula in the glass drawer. He then moved on to the bathroom, scrubbed the bathtub and the sink until it was shining and put all the products back where they belonged. If his mental checklist was correct, he only had the windows to clean and the entire house to vacuum. It would take a while, but they were easy tasks.

He went back to his bedroom to take a little break. Oh, yeah. He had his bedroom to tidy as well. Great. He shook his head, holding on to the fact that he did deserve a break. He sat at his desk and opened his laptop, wondering if there were going to be any good videos on YouTube. He enjoyed the platform a lot, and often daydreamed about being a youtuber. It was surely loads of fun, but he didn’t have anything to talk about.

As he was about to open the website, his phoned buzzed. _Won’t be home before at least 10. Love, Mum._ What was she doing? It was none of Phil’s business, but he couldn’t help it. His mum rarely went out for so long. Maybe she was shopping and needed to go far to get what she needed, or something. After all, they were going to have another person in the house, that probably required… stuff.

On impulse, Phil opened Google and typed “dan howell” in the search bar. Was it weird? As he thought about it, Phil realized he didn’t care. Dan intrigued him, to say the least, and if he could find information on Google, it meant it was technically public information, and reading it wasn’t stalking. Technically. He hit the search button.

The first page to come up was a LinkedIn profile. Speaking of public information. Looking at his LinkedIn couldn't possibly be considered stalking.

Well, that was not much information. Who set up a LinkedIn profile without filling anything? At least there was one piece of information that Phil learned from that: Dan was an author. Already, Phil was starting to feel a lot of affection for this guy. He was a twenty-year-old freelance author, he was cute and funny and sort of confident, and still he seemed nice and humble. Phil was _so_ ready to meet him.

He exited LinkedIn and checked out his Twitter page, which was the next link.

“Now we’re talking.” Phil smirked. This Twitter page was giving him so many mixed feelings. First of all, what kind of username was _danisnotonfire_? That was utterly ridiculous. Secondly, the edgy aesthetic of the whole thing was hilarious to Phil. Even him, who had identified as emo for years, wouldn’t have dared to push it that far. It was actually kind of cute, like a slice of Dan’s teenage years, that he hadn’t quite left yet.

And yet, through these funny things, Phil felt his heart flutter for the boy he didn’t know. He couldn’t wait to be friends with him. He went through the last few tweets, which were mostly about him moving, and kept scrolling through puns and memes and self-deprecating jokes. It seemed like Dan was actually a pretty negative person, and Phil couldn’t quite figure out if it was ironic or not.

A tweet from a month ago linked to a short story that Dan had written, and Phil eagerly clicked it. What better way to know a person than to read something they wrote, something they poured their heart and soul in. Writing was incredibly intimate, when you thought about it. Phil smiled. He enjoyed reading, he enjoyed it a lot, it was actually one of his favorite things. He was happy to read something, and the fact that Dan had written it only added to the pleasure.

It was published on an independent publishing website, and it was called _Mother ache_. Phil was intrigued now. It was unusual to see young adult men writing about motherhood. The black-haired boy adjusted his glasses on his nose and started reading.

It was the story of a seventeen-year-old girl who was in hospital, just after the birth of her baby. She had been reluctant to keep the child, at first, but had kept him to annoy her catholic parents, and had grown attached to him over time. In the hospital, she was actually overjoyed. And then a fake nurse came in and ran away with her baby, because she couldn’t have children of her own.

Ten minutes later, Phil took off his glasses and wiped the tears rolling on his cheeks. A sob escaped his lips, and suddenly, a dam broke inside of him and he started crying harder than he had in years. He felt a pain wrenching his gut, and tears were dropping on his lap. He sobbed loudly in his hands for five minutes before getting a grip on himself and calming down a little. The storyline was simple, but incredibly emotional, and it was _so_ well written. Each word contained a thousand emotions at once, and everything was phrased amazingly. It was one of the most beautiful things he had ever read, and he had studied English Linguistics, so he knew what he was talking about when he said that Dan was an exceptional writer.

Phil grabbed his phone and typed out a text to Dan. He sent it without even thinking about what he was doing, his vision blurry from both the lack of glasses and the tears still in his eyes.

**Mother ache. What did you do to me?**

Dan’s reply came almost instantly, followed closely by a second text.

_why, thank you_

_have you been stalking me??_

Phil chuckled, which made him choke because of how tight his throat was, and a few tears spilled from his eyes again.

**You could have been a serial killer, I had to make sure.**

_so you have_

_this is phil, right?_

**That’s my name.**

Phil smiled and locked his phone again. To know who he was, Dan had probably saved his number, and that made Phil happy. He shut off is laptop and got on his feet again, wiping his eyes before putting his glasses back on. He still had a lot of work to do, even if he didn’t really have the energy for it anymore.

He went to the lounge and selected his favorite ABBA album, that he put on the record player. Not many people knew that, but he was a huge ABBA fan, and had been for as long as he could remember. _When I kissed the teacher_ started playing, and he turned up the volume until he was sure that he could hear it from anywhere in the house. The neighbors were going to hate him, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care. It was 6pm. He could play loud music in his own house if he wanted to.

He started singing along as he got what he needed to clean the window. He loved that song so much as a teenager, because it made him daydream about his teacher crushes, about how he could maybe kiss them and they would blush and smile. It had even possibly played an important role in his acceptance of his sexuality.

Maybe cleaning was going to be fun after all. His thoughts drifted away from sad mothers and cute housemates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Tell me if there are any typos, incoherences, that sort of stuff :)  
> Also, I took off the "No Angst" tag because I changed my mind. There's definitely going to be angst, but nothing too heavy or heart-wrenching, don't worry.


	3. 3

When Phil woke up the next morning, he had a feeling of pride and calm in his chest, for some reason. Not that it wasn’t a pleasing thing to wake up to. He couldn’t quite figure out why, but a smile made its way onto his lips as he rubbed his eyes. He yawned and stretched lightly, groaning a little as his spined cracked. Finally, he opened his eyes and immediately understood why he was feeling so pleased. His room was incredibly tidy, all his little gadgets were in their respective places, and it made it look like it was straight out of a YouTube vlog. He had also changed his sheets from boring brown ones to his favorite blue and green ones. As he sat up, he let out a content sigh. He had missed seeing his bedroom like this.

He got up with a spring in his step that he hadn’t had in weeks, maybe months, drew the curtains open and smiled even harder when he felt the warm sunlight fall on his face. The weather was amazing; the sky was a deep warm blue, there was not a cloud in sight and the whole city seemed to glow in the morning sun. Phil opened the window and a light breeze caressed his hair. This was definitely going to be a good day.

He knew he was home alone, his mum was in Newcastle for the day and would come back with Phil’s dad just in time for dinner. At least that was the plan last time Phil had checked, because he hadn’t even seen his mother the evening before. She had probably been to a friend’s house to play Scrabble all night long. That happened too often for Phil’s understanding. But the fact that he had the house to himself was a good thing, it meant he could play Crash Bandicoot in the lounge as much as he wanted, eat pizza for lunch and take his laptop to the terrace, under the veranda, rather than lock himself in his room.

He adjusted his pajama pants on his hips, grabbed a t-shirt in his closet and put on his glasses. If he was going to not get dressed for the whole day, he should at least be comfortable.

He went to the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of Kellogg’s Krave cereal, without milk. As he was starting to settle himself at the counter, his earlier thought crossed his mind again. How nice would it be to eat his breakfast under the veranda? He could just stare at his mum’s beautiful garden, maybe even see some birds, and enjoy a bit of fresh air. He hadn’t done that in ages. He took his bowl in one hand, grabbed an apple in the other and made his way down the corridor, miraculously spilling nothing. Arrived at the front door, he somehow managed to open it, but, as soon as he stepped outside, he almost dropped everything.

A long figure in a leather jacket, was sitting at the table. It was too tall to be any of Phil’s family members, even Martyn, and Phil was pretty sure he didn’t know the person. He stood there for about ten seconds without batting an eyelash, like a deer caught in headlights, wondering what to do, if he should clear his throat, actually speak or just go back in the house and lock the doors.

Just as he was starting to step backwards into the safety of his house, the stranger turned around on his chair and faced Phil, offering him a wide smile. Dan. Of course. Phil mentally cursed himself. How could he have forgotten Dan was coming today? It was the reason his room was tidy, for God’s sake!

“Hey!” Dan grinned. “Need a hand with that?”

Phil’s heart was racing, all of a sudden. Dan was even cuter in person. Well, that was an understatement. He was gorgeous. His hair was a beautiful shade of brown that shone golden in the sunlight, and his smile was incredibly bright. It created crinkles around his eyes and dimples in his cheeks. That guy was surely a model, he couldn’t be here sat at Phil’s old garden table, right?

“No, no, I’m fine, thanks.” Phil stuttered as he walked around Dan to take the chair on the other end of the table. What was he supposed to do, now? He grabbed a chunk of cereal and nibbled on the corner, avoiding eye contact.

Dan looked way more comfortable than Phil felt, which was honestly understandable. Phil had been awake for five minutes, was in his pajamas and had probably a severe case of bedhead, while Dan had a perfect fringe, was wearing a cute black t-shirt with an eclipse-like design on it and a snazzy black leather jacket with zips all over it. There was no competition. Dan stood up, turned his chair around and sat back down, straddling it. Why did he have to be so casual? He made Phil feel like a guest in his own house, and that was the weirdest thing about the whole thing. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the intimate area that was his home was going to be exposed to a total stranger, who was going to judge it, and by extension, him.

“Your mum told me you knew she wasn’t here today.” Dan said, looking directly at Phil.

Phil hummed and nodded. He felt so nervous, he couldn’t even imagine talking right now. He really wanted to make a good first impression, as he was going to live with Dan for months, should this week go well, but he was really bad at interacting with people he didn’t know.

“She also told me you hadn’t told her I was coming today, but it was okay as you had apparently cleaned the house. She thanks you, by the way.” Dan continued, his smile still glued to his lips. “Did you really clean the whole house just for me?”

Shit. Phil really had forgotten to tell his mum. She wasn’t mad, if what Dan was saying was true, but it had probably been a shock to her, a boy turning up at her door without warning. He was going to have to call her to apologize. Also, Dan was clearly set on making him feel as uncomfortable as possible. Maybe he considered men weren’t supposed to do house chores? Oh dear, what if he was a homophobic and sexist jerk? Well, if that was the case, Phil wasn’t intimidated anymore. He looked up and looked Dan straight in the eyes, ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat when Dan held his gaze.

“Yeah, I did. Does it bother your heteronormativity?” His tone was cold and aggressive, and he was probably overreacting, but he had been bullied for a long time as a kid and didn’t have the patience to deal with those kinds of people anymore.

Dan’s smile fell, but he didn’t look angry, just a little apologetic.

“I’m the least heteronormative person you’ll ever meet.” he simply said, raising his right hand to show Phil his black nails. “Besides,” he added pensively, “it would be the biggest contradiction if I was.”

Phil wasn’t that surprised. He didn’t know much about Dan, but he already knew he was unusual, and seeing his painted nails filled Phil with joy. It was so rare to meet guys who were comfortable enough with themselves to break gender roles. Phil himself had struggled a lot with his parents’ expectations of masculinity, and had argued a lot with them about it. He wasn’t even sure they understood now, but at least they didn’t bug him about it anymore.

Dan didn’t seem to want to develop, so Phil stuffed his mouth with cereal and looked around the garden. It was beautiful, one of Phil’s favorite places in the world. It had roses, and lilies, and all sorts of flowers, and his mum took very good care of it. It made their house look like a TV show stereotype, but it wasn’t cold or soulless. That’s why Phil loved it so much. He heard Dan shift on his chair and he thought he was probably supposed to say something.

“So, did you have a good trip?” he asked, looking back at Dan who had apparently never looked away from Phil’s face. Their eyes met again, with less tension this time, and Phil could feel a little smile stretching his lips.

“You’re pretty when you smile.” Dan stated, and Phil felt his cheeks blush furiously. What was that for? Maybe Dan wanted to prove he really wasn’t heteronormative, or something. “Yeah, I did. I took a night train, to get here first thing in the morning. Good thing your mother had to leave, otherwise I would have woken up the whole house, and that’s not an excellent first impression, is it?” he chuckled.

Phil laughed as well, shaking his head. He was very good at reading people, and Dan, underneath his confidence, was very obviously terrified of not being allowed to stay. Phil didn’t know what made him run away from home, and he knew he’d have to know Dan a lot more to get an answer to his questions.

“I’m sure my mum loves you already, she’s a very nice person.” Phil smiled.

Then, without knowing why or even thinking twice about it, he stuck his tongue out at Dan. Oh no. What was wrong with him? You don’t go out sticking your tongue out at strangers, especially when you’re going to live with them, and specifically when they’re gorgeous and smart and overall way better than you!

All his worries washed away when Dan mirrored him, through a huge grin. It was absolutely adorable, and Phil thought that maybe, maybe, he and Dan would become really good friends. Dan’s personality didn’t seem too far from Phil’s, after all. The only difference was that Dan had a job. They could get over that, Phil thought as he ate his last piece of cereal.

“Did my mum show you around?” he inquired, kind of hoping she hadn’t. He liked Dan a lot already, and wanted to spend time with him, get to know him, and a house tour was the perfect excuse. He took a massive bite out of his apple, not breaking eye contact.

“Nope.” Dan replied, popping the p. “She had to leave before she could. She said she’s going to Newcastle to spend the day with your dad, I think, and she wanted to get there early. She told me to settle in my room and wait for you to wake up, which is kind of creepy when you think about it. But the weather is amazing, your garden is beautiful, so I wanted to get a bit of air before I locked myself in my room for days.”

“I had the exact same train of thought when I woke up!” Phil laughed. “I can give you a tour if you want!” he proposed, before adding “Or you can just explore by yourself, if you want to, I won’t mind.” He didn’t want to seem clingy already.

“No, no, I’d like you to show me around.” Dan smiled. Phil never wanted him to stop smiling, it made his heart flutter in a way that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Dan was just _glow_ _ ing _ .

“You’ll just have to give me a minute to get dressed and then we can do that.” Phil offered, finishing his apple and putting the core in his empty bowl before standing up.

“Oh no, don’t get dressed for me! I don’t mind!” Dan protested, also standing up and putting his chair back into place.

That was good enough to convince Phil, who didn’t really want to put on tight jeans right now. The two boys got back in the house, Dan following Phil.

When Phil was done showing Dan all the rooms and explaining everything he needed to know, Dan announced he needed to go unpack and write a little. Phil was a bit disappointed, but he didn’t know what he’d expected. Unlike him, Dan had a job and needed to work. However, just before disappearing in his room, Dan shot a wink in Phil’s direction and promised would be the first to read what he’d write, and Phil just stood there for a minute after Dan had closed his door, his cheeks burning hot, wondering what he was going to do with his very obvious crush on his new housemate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if this sucked, I'm not really happy with this chapter :/  
> The story will stay at this pace, so give me your thoughts on that :)  
> Don't worry, this is going to be slow burn, I didn't lie ;)  
> Hope you enjoyed, and see you next Thursday!


	4. 4

Two hours passed without a single sound echoing through the house. Dan was probably writing, and Phil was endlessly scrolling through Tumblr, mind completely disconnected from reality. However, he was pulled back on Earth when he felt his stomach grumble, and he realised he was starving. He had planned to have pizza, but he didn’t really want Dan’s first meal here to be a margherita, as it would make Phil seem even more miserable. That being said, he didn’t know what Dan liked, and he couldn’t just try to guess, could he?

He knocked at Dan’s door, shyly, then with a little more strength when no one opened the door. Dan maybe had his headphones on, or something. As Phil was starting to go back to his room to get his phone and text the other boy, the door abruptly opened.

“Hey! Sorry, had my headphones on.” he said, smiling wide as ever.

“Hey, no problem, I was just wondering if you were, y’know, hungry. It’s 1 p.m. and I’m starving.”

Dan smirked, raising his eyebrow slightly, and stepped out of his room, forcing Phil to take a step backwards so that they wouldn’t end up chest to chest. Phil wasn’t ready for this kind of awkwardness yet.

“I just thought I’d get pizza or something, but since you offered so nicely…” His lips were still mischievous but his eyes had a twinkle of genuine happiness, and Phil was confused as to why. “I love cooking. Like, love is an understatement, I  _ adore  _ cooking.” No, but that was adorable. “Except if you already have something ready, it’s okay, I just assumed that you didn’t but if you do that’s great, I can always cook another day…” he added, frowning a little.

Phil’s heart was doing all sorts of things that it wasn’t supposed to do, and he immediately decided that even if he had had something ready, he wouldn’t have told Dan, because the happiness in the other boy’s eyes at the mention of cooking was his new favorite thing.

“Nope, nothing’s ready.” Phil smiled. “I remembered you loved cooking, so I just thought I’d make you my cooking slave!” he joked, feeling himself blush. He wasn’t usually that bold, but it seemed like he wanted to impress Dan.

“Kinky.” Dan replied with a wink, before walking past Phil and going to the kitchen, Phil following him close.

Dan looked so comfortable here already and, weirdly, Phil didn’t feel like he’d just arrived, it just seemed like he belonged here. Maybe it was because, all in all, he was so similar to Phil himself, he didn’t clash with the atmosphere.

He had warned Dan about the glass door, which was more dangerous than ever now that Phil had cleaned it, but Dan had apparently forgotten because he hit it face first, leading Phil to bump into him from behind. And it wasn’t just his face, or his legs, no, it was his whole body that hit Dan, projecting the poor boy against the door. In a chaos of pained groans, Phil instantly stepped back.

“Oh my God I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to do that I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, hands covering his mouth and tears already forming in his eyes.

He was such a disaster, he should have warned Dan again, and he shouldn’t have been walking so close behind him, now he’d hurt him and Dan was going to hate him. He was leaning against the wall, forcefully rubbing his nose.

“It’s okay. It’s my fault, I forgot.” He shook his head. “Fuck, it hurts. Are you okay?” he quickly added, looking up and locking eyes with Phil, worry painted all over his face.

Phil nodded. He didn’t want Dan to worry about him, he wasn’t worth it. He opened the door and walked in, feeling like a complete mess, which he knew he was. He just didn’t want to think about it.

“So, what do you want to make?” Dan asked at he sat at the counter.

Phil thought for a minute. He was not exactly feeling inspired, but he couldn’t just suggest pasta, because that could not possibly count as cooking.

“I was thinking maybe pasta with a cute sauce? That’d be quick to make.” Dan continued.

Oh, well apparently pasta  _ could  _ count as cooking, if you made a fancy sauce.

“Sure, what kind of sauce are you thinking?”

Dan hopped off his stool and went straight to the fridge, before shooting a questioning look to Phil.

“Is it okay if I, uh, control stuff? Like, I tell you what to do and what to get, and you do it? It’d make things a lot quicker. Although if you don’t want to that’s fine.”

Phil actually snorted. The nerve he had! Not that Phil minded, he just never would’ve had the confidence to do that. Dan definitely was something else.

“No, it’s fine by me, I’m way better at following orders than giving them, so…” he smiled.

Dan nodded, then opened the fridge, clearly looking for something.

“Hey, do you have some- Oh, there you are.” He took out a little carton of whipping cream. “Do you have canned tuna?”

Phil nodded and took out a can from one of the cupboards.

“I’m also going to need… three big onions, herb salt, pepper, a chopping knife and a spatula.”

Phil nodded, pointing Dan to the utensils drawer and taking out all the ingredients Dan had mentioned.

“You’re lucky we even have herb salt, my mum’s always complaining that we’re the only humans on Earth who know what it is.” Phil chuckled.

“Yeah, I know, at my… well, where I lived before coming here, it was super hard to find it.”

Was Dan ashamed of having lived with his parents? Or maybe he’d lived with someone else? Anyway, he probably didn’t want to talk about it, and Phil didn’t particularly care, he just hoped he’d know more about it someday. That was generally his state of mind around Dan, anyway.  _ He hoped he’d know more someday. _

About half an hour later, they were both sat at the counter with plates that looked literally amazing in front of them. Dan had made a sauce with caramelized onions, crumbled tuna, and a lot of cream, and it smelled like heaven. Phil had had the idea to grate some Parmesan cheese on top of it, and the whole thing now looked as gastronomic as can be.

“Well then, cheers, mate!” Dan chuckled.

Instead of turning to his food, he just smiled wide at Phil, and Phil felt his lips stretch. He wanted to look away, break the eye contact, but the more he looked into Dan’s eyes, the more pulled in he felt, and he even stopped breathing, breath caught in his lungs, and he could feel his heart racing, and he actually felt like he was going to faint, and-

Dan looked away first, stabbing a few bits of onions with his fork. His smile didn’t leave his face, though, and Phil kept staring for a while longer, before eventually turning to his own plate.

As it turned out, the food was just as delicious as it looked, and Phil thanked Dan profusely as they went back to their respective bedrooms. He wasn’t sure his  _ mum  _ could cook that well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm so sorry I'm late, and I'm so sorry this chapter is so short, I just have a massive writer's block.  
> Hope you enjoyed anyway :)


	5. 5

Phil was confused. Did Dan like him, or was he generally flirty with everyone? He probably didn’t like him. Who could like a slob like him? He was probably just nice because he wanted to be able to live here. Probably. Phil never understood people anyway, they were weird, sneaky and never said what they really thought. That was a pain in the ass. That being said, Phil was often too blunt for other people’s liking, and that had led him to a few disastrous situations.

He sat down in front of his laptop and mechanically opened YouTube. He didn’t even want to watch anything, but that’s all he could do, as he didn’t have a job and stuff. His usual wave of self-loathing hit him like a brick and he slammed his laptop shut as tears began prickling in his eyes. He was so fucking useless. There was nothing for him in this life, because he was too lazy to even  _ get a damn job _ . His middle school bullies were right after all. “You’ll fail at life, and nobody will ever love you.” He didn’t only fail at life, he was generally a fail. A loud sob escaped his lips, and he suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. He gasped for air, his chest impossibly tight.

 

Dan was back in front of his laptop, and sighing because he actually had to write now. He’d literally procrastinated all morning, and he still had to earn a little money, so he had to continue this piece of trash. The little money he had, he earned it on independant websites. He was writing a novel now, and it could be very successful, if he actually managed to finish it. The thing was, he wasn’t even fond of writing, he was just good at it, and too lazy to get another job, so there he was. Most of the stuff he did was write presentations for stupid websites, though. Far from the J.K. Rowling dream.

His hands hovered over the keyboard, and as he was about to start typing, a heart-wrenching sob resonated from the next room, closely followed by a second one, more muffled. His heart stopped dead in his chest. Was Phil crying? Maybe it was just a movie. It had to be just a movie, right? Another whimper reached Dan’s ears. It was definitely Phil. Why was he crying? Had Dan done something wrong? Maybe Phil had really hated the pasta? No, that was stupid. But, why, then?

He really wanted to rush to the other boy’s room and hold him close until he stopped crying, because he couldn’t handle other people being sad. It hurt him in ways no one understood. He had always been too sensitive. But he couldn’t possibly just barge in. Phil didn’t know him, and probably didn’t want a stranger to see him so vulnerable, so Dan did the only thing he could think of. He put on his headphones and played his favorite song way too loud, until he couldn’t even think properly.

 

Phil throat was sore from all the crying. He’d been lying in bed for ages but couldn’t shake off the feeling of numbness that stuck to his skin. He hated himself, as a general rule, but right now, he kind of wished he was dead. He was not suicidal, didn’t want to kill himself, but he was so tired. Surely death was easier than that. No, he couldn’t think like that. He liked being alive, he liked life. He just didn’t like  _ his  _ life, but that was something he could deal with. It was no use wishing for death. Life was beautiful. It was just hard, but that was the point.

He closed his eyes and felt his muscles relax. He kind of wished Dan would’ve heard him and come comfort him, but he knew it could never have happened. It’s just that, sometimes, he wished he was loved by someone else than his parents.

When Phil woke up, everything hurt. His throat was even more sore than before, his eyes felt like they were burning and he felt too hot, like he had a bad fever. What time was it?  He had no idea. He hadn't even realised he had fallen asleep. What was Dan doing? He was probably writing. Even though Phil still felt like a piece of shit, he was looking forward to reading whatever the brown-haired boy had written. Dan had promised him, after all.

Phil reached for his phone and unlocked it, to check the time. Oh fuck. It was 9 p.m.! His mum and dad probably were back, and expecting to find dinner ready, which it wasn't obviously, since Phil had slept through the whole afternoon. As if they needed their son to be any more of a train wreck. He sighed, resigned. Their disappointment wasn't new to him. But what about Dan? He was going to see how much of a mess Phil was. Funnily, that hurt even more.

He raced to his parents’ room. He knocked before opening the door. They weren’t here, but his dad’s suitcase was, which meant they were indeed back. Phil was so screwed. His next stop, logically, was the kitchen. As he’d failed to make dinner, they were probably doing it, right? Wrong. They weren’t here either, but, again, there was traces of them having been here, because the smell in the air was divine.

They were probably still eating! Phil rushed to the dining room, and actually started to tear up when he saw both his parents and Dan sat at the table, plates in front of them, eating and chatting. It was so surreal, and Phil suddenly felt so left out that tears started rolling on his cheeks again. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he stop crying? He bit his lip to stop himself from making any noise and just stood there, watching them be happy without him.

“Phil!” his mum suddenly exclaimed. “Hello sweetie, did you-”

Dan and Phil’s dad turned around, both smiling, and both immediately looking worried as they noticed Phil’s state. Phil didn’t even have time to contemplate running away, because his mum’s arms were soon engulfing him in a hug. She was so much smaller than him, but he buried his face in her hair, breathing in deeply and feeling his tears wet her shoulder.

“Baby, it’s okay. Don’t cry. Whatever happened, it’s not worth crying about. It’s okay.” she whispered in his ear.

He didn’t even hold her back, he just let her stroke his hair until he calmed down. He didn’t look up, though, he didn’t want to see Dan’s face. He was so ashamed. Why was he so fucking  _ weak _ ?

After a while, his mum pulled back and tilted his chin up, forcing him to look her in the eyes. He didn’t want to. He didn’t even want to be here. He wanted to run as far as his legs could take him, away from this house where everything he felt was shame, all the time.

“Phil.” Kathryn’s tone was soft but serious. “What happened?”

_ I don’t know. I’m a mess of a guy. I don’t have a job even though I’m 24. I’m tired of my stupid life. I just walked in on you and dad having dinner with Dan like I didn’t exist. Your pick, mum. _

“I’m just… I’m tired, that’s all.” he muttered. “I’m just gonna go back to my room.”

“No, you’re not. Look, we set up a plate for when you’d wake up.” she pushed him towards the empty seat beside hers and sat back down. “Dan said you weren’t feeling so well, so he made dinner for us. Are you feeling better now?”

Phil nodded as he sat down. He really wasn’t hungry, but he had to eat, at least a little. Did Dan really make dinner for everyone just because Phil didn’t come out of his room in time? Who was he, an angel, or what? Oh shit. What if he’d heard him cry, and felt bad about it? No, no, no. Please, God.

He looked up at Dan and locked eyes with him. He wanted to look away, he knew he looked like a mess, and his eyes were probably red and puffy, but the worry he could read in the brown irises was comforting. Dan didn’t look weirded out. He didn’t look mad he’d been forced to make dinner for total strangers. He looked genuinely worried.

 

Dan held his breath, blown away by Phil’s eyes. They were blue, but not really, other colors were thrown in there, and he could read so many emotions in them. All he wanted to do was reach out and take Phil’s hand, to let him know that he was here if he needed him. It would be weird, but he felt so guilty not to have run to Phil’s room this afternoon, he just needed to make sure the other boy was okay.

He was actually about to extend his arm across the table when Kathryn let out a little cough, and Phil immediately dropped his gaze to his lap. Dan also looked away, suddenly fascinated by the food in his plate. It was the second time today Dan and Phil had locked eyes without being able to snap out of it, and Dan was having a hard time ignoring the way his heart went crazy when Phil looked at him.

Phil was attractive, obviously, but that’s all it was. That’s all Dan would allow it to be. He couldn’t afford to like someone  _ like that  _ ever again. He just couldn’t.

 

All through dinner, all Phil wanted was to leave and go to sleep, but when it was actually time everyone went back to their respective rooms, he started to panic a little. He didn’t want to be alone. Alone was what made him have these horrible thoughts. Well, it’s not like he could just ask Dan to stay with him until he fell asleep.

He walked down the corridor with the other boy until they each had the hand on the door handles.

“Hey, Phil.” Dan said, suddenly turning to him. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Sorry about this afternoon, it won’t happen again.” Phil replied, his voice nothing more than a whisper. He didn’t even look at Dan, because if he did, he knew he’d end up saying something he’d spend weeks regretting. “Goodnight.” he added, before disappearing in the darkness of his room.

He buried himself under his sheets and tried to empty his mind. Not think of anything. Of course, that was impossible. He knew it. Having slept all afternoon was not an issue, he was so drained he was pretty sure he could sleep for three days straight. He was just going to have to wait.

Minutes stretched like hours and Phil was restless. He couldn’t stay in the same position for more than a few seconds, and everytime he moved, his bed creaked horribly. Now he felt tired, sad  _ and  _ annoyed. Awesome. He was actually about to give up and get up to get his laptop when he heard a voice. Dan’s voice. It was coming from his own bedroom, but the walls were thin between the two rooms, which is why they were Phil’s and Martyn’s, their parents wanted Phil to hear his big brother’s presence when he was scared at night. Of course, it had been really great until they’d reached teenagehood, where it had got really awkward. Phil focused on Dan’s voice and closed his eyes.

“Poor John was very sad; for his father was so ill, he had no hope of his recovery.”

Dan’s voice was soothing and instantly calmed Phil down. It helped that he had to be completely still in order to hear him. Was it something Dan himself had written?

“John sat alone with the sick man in the little room, and the lamp had nearly burnt out; for it was late in the night.”

It probably wasn’t. It sounded like an old fairy tale.

“ _ You have been a good son, John _ , said the sick father,  _ and God will help you on in the world. _ ”

Well, that was depressing.

“He looked at him, as he spoke, with mild, earnest eyes, drew a deep sigh, and died; yet it appeared as if he still slept.”

Dan had a nice voice. Phil listened to the story until sleep dragged him out of consciousness.


	6. 6

When Phil walked in the kitchen the next morning, Dan was already sat at the counter and gave him the warmest grin. There was something about this boy… he radiated kindness. Phil already loved him and trusted him like he’d known him for years. Granted, he could be a very charismatic psychopath, but that never actually happened. Did it?

“Good morning.” he yawned, grabbing a bowl and his pack of cereal.

“Hey.” Dan replied, in the softest voice. “How did you sleep?”

Phil turned around to look at him, and felt himself melt. Dan looked like he actually cared, and it meant the world to Phil. It had been years since he’d had someone genuinely care about him, other than his parents. He did have friends, but he wasn’t very close to them. He went out with them once in a while, but even that wasn’t very fun anymore.

“Very well, thanks.” he smiled.

He poured himself some cereal and froze in place, suddenly inspired. He didn’t know if he should say what he had in mind though. What if he weirded Dan out? He probably wouldn’t, if the boy’s previous reactions were anything to go by, but still. What if… Oh, fuck it. He faced Dan again and stretched his lips in a mysterious smile, watching as the other boy raised an eyebrow.

“Apparently, I have a guardian angel, because I heard a voice telling me a story, until I fell asleep.”

Dan let out a surprised laugh, but didn’t reply, and smiled to himself as he fiddled with the apple in his hands.

“I’m glad to hear this.” he chuckled. “I’ll leave you to your breakfast, I’ve got some stuff to do.”

And with that, he got up and left the kitchen. Phil’s smile fell from his face. He was actually happy to get some time with Dan, but the universe was against him, apparently. Or maybe Dan just had a job, and needed to get stuff done. Phil knew that being a freelance author wasn’t easy. Still, he would’ve enjoyed having breakfast with his brand new housemate. His brand new pretty, caring and smart housemate.

He ate his cereal quicker than he usually did, went back to his room, got dressed, grabbed his headphones and was soon out the front door. The weather was just as beautiful than the day before, and he knew he’d enjoy walking in the streets of Manchester. Sometimes, he’d be gone for three hours, lost in the music, going wherever his feet took him.

 

Dan sat down at his table and stared intensely at the apple in his hands, like it could explain the meaning of life. He was such an idiot. He shouldn’t have run away like that, but he couldn’t help it. He felt guilty that he hadn’t gone to Phil’s room when he was crying, and his poor attempt at a friendly presence by reading him a fucking tale wasn’t exactly enough, he felt like. Phil had seemed to like it, though. That was a good thing.

He smiled softly. Phil had called him his “guardian angel”. It had been for the sake of a joke, obviously, but it was still enough to make Dan’s heart do funny things. He knew he wasn’t supposed to feel things like that ever again, he’d promised himself not to, but it was just too sweet to feel himself give up and get lost in blue eyes. Surely, a tiny innocent crush wouldn’t hurt him. He wasn’t planning on  _ falling in love _ . He’d just enjoy his time at the Lester’s a little more than he’d imagined, and that was all.

A little later, he heard Phil go back to his room, and after a while, the front door slamming shut. He knew for a fact that Mr and Mrs Lester had already left, so it meant Phil was going out, doing whatever he did in his free time. How much did he trust him if he just left him alone at home? Dan suddenly felt very proud. Phil trusted him. Oh, had it been long since anyone had trusted him.

“You idiot, you’re not supposed to think about him.” he exclaimed, hitting himself in the forehead. “So don’t.”

 

When Phil got home, he had no idea how long had passed. He knew he’d had time to listen to Panic! at the Disco’s three albums, but that was it. It was such a good band. Maybe he could introduce Dan to them. He took his headphones off and entered his house. He was already getting excited at the idea to see Dan, and he shook his head. He was getting ridiculous. He’d only known the boy for two days, what the hell was wrong with him?

He knocked on Dan’s door, a little louder than necessary, but he wanted to be sure to be heard. After a few seconds, the door opened and Dan appeared, a quizzical look on his face, that quickly transformed into a grin.

“Hey. I knew I’d heard something.”

Phil was about to shoot a witty joke, but he heard the song that was blasting from Dan’s headphones. How loud did he listen to his music??

“Is that  _ The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage _ ?” he asked, with what he knew was the smile of an excited five-year-old. Fortunately, Dan’s smile was soon the exact same.

“Yes! You know Panic!, who’d have thunk!” he laughed. “Yeah, they’re my favorite band.”

“I was just listening to them, actually, that makes it even funnier! I think we have some sort of psychic link going on, there’s no other explanation!”

Phil knew he looked like an idiot. He knew it. But, in his defense, so did Dan. There was no doubt that if anyone saw them right now, they’d say they were a couple. Not that Phil minded. Dan seemed to hesitate for a bit, awkwardly maintaining eye contact with Phil as he bit his bottom lip, hand on the door handle. Phil felt a familiar warmth crawl up his neck, and he could suddenly feel his pulse beating in his temples. That boy was far too attractive for his own good.

“Do you want to like, come in? We could listen to music, or like… If you don’t want to, it’s fine, by the way-”

“No, I’d like that!” Phil replied, before poking his tongue out. It had worked the first time, and it worked again, Dan mimicked him before letting him in.

“Just sit on the bed, I guess.” Dan smirked as he sat at the office chair.

Phil shook his head and sat on the end of the bed. He was now looking up at Dan and… he was definitely enjoying the sight.

“So! What are we listening to?” Dan asked, leaning forward until his nose was almost touching Phil’s.

“You choose the first one.” Phil chuckled, letting himself fall down on his back, bouncing a little.

Dan didn’t reply and typed something. Soon the sound of a mellow bass filled the room, followed by a calm but powerful voice. Dan instantly started to sing along, his eyes back on Phil’s.

_ When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye. You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry. _

Phil felt his cheeks reddening. He knew Dan was just singing the song, but the steady eye contact was making it hard for him not to believe the words were addressed to him

_ You float like a feather in a beautiful world. And I wish I was special. You're so very special. _

“You’re special.” Phil whispered, nothing more than a breath, before he could even think about what he was saying.Immediately, Dan’s lips stretched in a smile and he closed his eyes as the chorus kicked in. Phil closed his eyes too, cheeks burning hot.

Dan had a good singing voice, it sounded nothing like the original singer, but it conveyed just as much emotion, and it was nice to listen to. It was like the singer and Dan were singing a duet, and their voices worked very well together. Phil listened to the rest of the song with his eyes closed, and he just couldn’t help but smile, because he felt like he and Dan were just sharing a moment out of time and space, and it felt amazing.

When the song ended, Phil didn’t even open his eyes.

“Hey Jude by The Beatles.” he smiled. “You probably already know it but it’s one of my favorites.”

He heard Dan type a little and then Paul McCartney’s voice filled the room. It wasn’t a romantic song. It didn’t have a hidden meaning, and singing it to Dan wouldn’t be ambiguous. He knew he was missing a chance, but he loved this song so much, and he wanted to share it with Dan.

_ Hey Jude, don’t make it bad. _

Phil started to sing along without even noticing it. He hated his singing voice more than anything, but, for some reason, he didn’t care right now. It was Dan. Dan wasn’t judgmental.

_ Take a sad song, and make it better. _

It was funny, really, how Phil would trust Dan with his life. How he would already follow him to the end of the Earth. He didn’t even know him.

Phil sang along to every single word of the song, feeling them roll naturally off his tongue. He knew it by heart since he was five. With the last words, he opened his eyes to find Dan staring at him with the sweetest smile. Like always, he didn’t look away. This time, however, neither looked away. They gazed into each other’s eyes for what seemed like an eternity, across a dark room, and Phil’s heart was racing, to the point it almost hurt. It didn’t, though. Not really.

Before he realised it, he had got up and was now sitting, leaning slightly forward. Dan had moved his chair closer to the bed, as well.

“I didn’t know you could sing.” he whispered, looking down at Phil with something like awe in his eyes.

“I can’t.” Phil let out in a breathy laugh. “But there are loads of things you don’t know about me.”

The atmosphere was no longer serene, it was filled with more tension than before a thunderstorm, and Phil couldn’t look away for Dan’s pretty eyes, framed by long lashes. He was pretty sure that the whole of Manchester could hear his pulse.

“I’d like to know everything about you Phil. God, you have no idea.” Dan’s voice was soft but filled with want, and Phil suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Your turn to pick.” he mumbled, panicking. The fire in Dan’s eyes immediately disappeared and he smiled again, turning to his computer.

The song that started was nothing like the previous ones. It was a very electronic, generic sound, and Phil was disappointed. It definitely finished ruining the mood, but well, Phil was to blame for this.

_ Why would she make calls out the blue, now I'm awake sleep isn't new. _

Okay, definitely not romantic or anything near that. A lot of autotune, not Phil’s kind of music. And Dan wasn’t singing, so what was the point?

_ Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't say you will unless you will. _

Dan started singing along with this line, and something in Phil’s brain short circuited. Had he purposefully not sang the first lines just to make clear the next ones were for Phil, or was Phil’s infatuated brain imagining things? It did look a lot like that, especially with what the lyrics were. What was Dan talking about? Was he even talking about anything? Phil held his breath, confused.

_ Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't say you will, then play you will. I pray you will. _

Dan muttered the last sentence more than he sang it, and Phil’s heart did a little somersault. He really was singing about Phil, wasn’t he?

No, of course not. Why would he? He didn’t know Phil, and from the mess he’d seen, he’d be mad to be into him. Phil shook his head to himself. Dan wasn’t into him. He wasn’t, and would never be, because Phil was one mess of a human being.


	7. 7

Phil left Dan’s room as soon as the song ended, saying he had “stuff to do”. He knew Dan wasn’t stupid enough to believe him, but at least he hadn’t said anything, and had saved Phil a burning humiliation. The black-haired boy knew how pathetic he was being. He knew it. He just couldn’t help but hold his breath when he saw Dan, when he heard his voice. The bare image of him was enough to set his skin on fire, and make his heart confused and erratic. What was it about him? What was it that was strong enough to pull Phil from the lonely den he’d been in for months? How was it possible that Phil wanted nothing but spend days and weeks and months with him, learning everything there was to know about him, when he’d only spent a few hours with him?

He sat down at his laptop and his hands hesitated over the pad, before he clicked the Word icon. He didn’t even know what he wanted to write, but he wanted to write, he wanted to do what Dan did, and put his feelings into words, for someone else to read.

_ I feel like I might combust when his eyes are on me. _

Dear. How cliché was that? Too much. Definitely. Oh well. It was true.

_ I feel like my feet are not on the ground anymore, I feel like the sun is burning high in a sky without clouds, I feel like I’m stepping in fresh snow, I feel like I’m going to be alright. _

And yet…

_ And yet, I don’t know him. He’s a stranger. His smiles could be facades, his laughs could be forced, his worry could be fake. His voice is music to my ears, but what if he’s just reciting an old song? _

Phil didn’t think it was, though. For some weird reason.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, the boys ate a bunch of leftovers and went back to their rooms. Phil wrote a little more, then took a nap, before finally finding his way back to YouTube. His parents came back in time for dinner, which was as uneventful as possible. Dan and Phil’s eyes met a few too many times, and they exchanged more smiles than any of them would have been able to count, but neither of them noticed Kathryn’s little smile and the way her eyes crinkled.

Phil was now back in his room, about to go to bed because he had nothing else to do. He stripped to just a pair of pants, and was getting under the blankets when his phone buzzed.

_ wanna watch a movie? _

It was Dan. Phil frowned.

**Like, at the cinema?**

_ in my room you spoon _

_ i have like a thousand on my laptop _

Dan and Phil, on Dan’s bed, watching a movie. Sure, why not? It’s not like Phil felt like he was about to pass out or anything. Also, what kind of insult was “you spoon”?

**Sure**

_ wow you sound enthusiastic _

_ get your butt over here _

Phil felt his cheeks heat up at how suggestive that last text was. He got up again, and exited his room to knock at Dan’s. The other boy was quick to open the door, a grin on his lips, that suddenly turned into a very confused frown. Phil started panicking. Maybe he had another Dan in his phone that he didn’t know of, and this Dan had no idea why Phil was at his door. It was not unusual, though, for people who lived together, to randomly knock on each other’s doors, right?

“You’re… aware you’re not wearing anything but a pair of boxers, aren’t you?” Dan quickly said, before biting his bottom lip like he was trying very hard not to burst out laughing.

Phil slowly looked down, like in one of those stupid nightmares, to see that he indeed hadn’t bothered to put anything back on, and his heart froze in his chest.

 

Dan was trying to keep his eyes on Phil’s face. He really was trying. And he was failing. His gaze raked over Phil’s bare chest. He had a bit of dark hair, but not too much, his nipples were hardened by the cold air in the corridor and his stomach was toned and smooth. His boxers were very tight, leaving very little to Dan’s imagination, and the brown-haired boy felt a surge of lust take over his body.

Phil let out a little squeal and rushed back to his room, and Dan stood there, not moving a muscle, trying to overcome his sudden urges. His pants had got uncomfortably tight, and he didn’t especially like it. It wasn’t  _ like that _ with Phil, and he didn’t want to make things awkward because of a stupid bodily reaction.

Phil emerged back from his room, with a shirt and pyjama pants on. He gave Dan puppy dog eyes as he muttered “I’m sorry. I just… forgot. I’m so sorry.”.

 

Phil was mortified. He didn’t even know where he had found the strength to go back and face Dan after messing up so badly. In his defense, he’d been very excited to go to Dan’s to watch a movie, and had simply forgotten to put clothes back on. It wasn’t like he’d  _ purposefully  _ shown up half naked at the other boy’s door.

“Can we just forget that even happened?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Dan laughed, letting Phil enter his room.

Dan quite literally threw himself on the bed, where his laptop was already waiting, and Phil joined him, slowly climbing on the bed, and sitting as far away from Dan as he could. He felt awkward enough, he was pretty sure that if any portion of his body touched any portion of Dan’s, he’d run away and never come back.

“So! What do you wanna watch? I have or can find anything in the world.” Dan asked, looking like an excited toddler. “I was thinking maybe a Studio Ghibli movie?”

“Yes!” Phil eyes lit up, all traces of embarrassment gone. He loved Studio Ghibli movies, they were his favourites, and he was so glad Dan liked them too. “Do you have Castle in the Sky? Haven’t seen it in a while!”

“Castle in the Sky it is, then!” Dan grinned.

Once the movie started, the computer being the only source of light in the room, Phil shot a glance at Dan, only to find him looking at him too. Dan smiled softly and turned to the screen. Phil smiled back but didn’t stop staring. He was mesmerised by the boy in front of him. Dan was so beautiful, his tan skin looked soft and smooth, and the dimples his smiles gave him were the most adorable thing ever. After a few minutes, he looked back at Phil and his smiles only grew wider when he met Phil’s eyes.

“I have a bottle of an excellent whiskey, if you’d like.” he proposed, eyes glinting with mischief. “I’m not saying we should get drunk, but tipsy can’t hurt.”

 

Dan didn’t know what he was doing. Well, he kind of did. He wanted to get Phil tipsy so that he’d relax, because, right now, he was a mess. Dan didn’t even know why Phil was so nervous around him. He had an idea, though, and he hoped he was right. That was also why the alcohol would help. This morning, when they’d listened to the music, the tension had been overwhelming and Dan had wanted Phil  _ so much _ … But the other boy had run out on him. Dan just needed to know if Phil wanted him as badly as he wanted Phil.

 

Phil felt like he was gonna have a heart attack right there and then, so he did the only responsible thing he could do, and nodded. He never drank alcohol, never, so he’d potentially get really drunk really fast, but it wouldn’t be dangerous, because he was at home.

Dan leaned towards him, until their noses were just a few inches apart.

“Are you sure you can handle it, Lester?” he whispered, his breath hot on Phil’s lips.

Phil’s gaze flickered from Dan’s eyes to his lips. They were chapped and pink and full, and Phil felt like his heart was in his throat. The air was too hot, too thick, the room was too dark, and he couldn’t think straight, and Dan was way too close… The black-haired boy took a big breath in and leaned in, pressing his lips to Dan’s.

He wanted to pull back. He wanted to pull back, apologise and run away, but he found that he couldn’t. Dan’s lips were perfect against his, and they moved in a way that had Phil’s insides turning to lava, and it felt amazing... Wait. Dan was kissing back.

Suddenly, Dan’s hands were in Phil’s hair, Phil’s hands were on Dan’s waist, and Phil let out a whimper that had Dan groaning against his lips. Their tongues took advantage of that to meet in the middle and, a few seconds later, the two boys were making out, Phil half on top of Dan and all sorts of embarrassing noises leaving their parted lips. After a minute of so, they pulled away and looked at each other, smiling. Phil wasn’t feeling anywhere near terrified, which was a definite improvement.

“Fuck, that was hot.” Dan chuckled, looking up in Phil’s blue eyes.

“Yeah.” Phil nodded, feeling a flush spread across his chest.

“Been wanting to do that since I got here.”

Phil grinned, because that was obviously the case for him too, and he was glad that he hadn’t been mistaken. He lowered his face and kissed Dan again, more slowly this time, and he could feel Dan melting under him, so he decided to climb on top of him and straddled him. Dan started to sit up, to chase after Phil’s lips, but Phil pushed him back down and pressed his open mouth to Dan’s, licking inside his mouth, drawing intoxicating moans from the pretty boy under him.

They stayed this way for a while, making out like horny teenagers, which they were honestly very close to being, but when Phil slipped his hands under Dan’s shirt, Dan recoiled from his touch, pushing him away.

“Sorry.” he mumbled apologetically. Phil didn’t understand. Had he gone too far? Oh God, had he just assaulted Dan?

“Oh my God, Dan, no,  _ I’m  _ sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

Dan shut him up with a short kiss and he forced Phil to look him in the eyes.

“It’s okay. It is. To be honest, I want to. I  _ really  _ want to.” Phil knew that was true, he could feel Dan through his jeans, he could feel how hard it was, and it was very difficult to concentrate on anything else. “It’s just… I’d just like to wait a little before we get there. My last relationship wasn’t… easy.” Dan smiled, shrugging slightly. “Nothing too bad, it’s just that I’d like to wait to get to know you better.”

“That’s no problem. Seriously, Dan, I mean it. Don’t apologise. I just got a little… carried away, I guess.”

“We both did.” Dan grinned, making his dimples appear. “And I’m glad we did. You didn’t even need that whiskey!”

Phil playfully poked him in the chest, feeling all sorts of emotions racing through him. He was so glad that he’d not overthought everything. He was so glad that he’d kissed Dan. And the only thing he could think now was how much he didn’t want to leave Dan, ever. He knew that it was his crush talking, and yet, he hoped that it would someday develop into something more.

“It’s the second time today you say you want to get to know me…” he hesitated, pressing his finger in Dan’s dimple. “What do you say we go on a date?”

Dan’s eyes lit up but he immediately frowned, and sighed.

“What’s the point in going on a date, we don’t even know if your parents are gonna accept that I live here?”

“They will.” Phil smiled, pressing a kiss to Dan’s nose. “I promise to you they will.”

“Alright, then.” Dan chuckled. “You wanna watch the movie, or…?”

“Nah, I think I’m good.” Phil shook his head, smiling, and kissing Dan again.

He liked this. He liked Dan. He knew that nothing was done yet, but it was exciting to actually have something to look forward to in the future. He was going to make that date the best date in the history of dates, until the next one at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hey there! I hope the end wasn't too disappointing, and that you enjoyed this fic!


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